Yesterday my husband and I hiked up to a place that we hadn’t been to for a long, long time. A few years before our momentous hike (this was the place of our engagement) I gathered up in this spot with a huge group of friends. We had hiked up to these rocks and broke bread together, had great fellowship and worshiped in song together. It is a sweet memory.
When I walked up there yesterday and walked down to these rocks I just stood there thinking: when did this propensity for fear grasp me so tightly? You can’t tell from these pictures, but these rocks basically hang over a huge drop-off. And those many years ago we were spread all over those rocks. And I can tell you I probably had no fear at all of this fact. But today, I only stood in the clearing. There was no way I was even going to touch one of those rocks with my toes.
Since yesterday, I’ve just been praying through where I’ve been in the years since then and especially these past few years when fear has gripped me so tightly. I’ve been asking the Lord to show me where it was that I began to trust Him less and me more? And that’s when I started to realize that that was the issue. At some point, my time with Him, my worship of Him, my prayers to Him became more about my immediate needs and more about where I was and less about where He was taking me. I became more focused on figuring out how to get in and out of situations, instead of living in them with Him.
I don’t know how many things I’ve missed because I’ve been trying to do it my way. I don’t know how many things I’ve not been a part of because I let my fear override His capacity to uphold and sustain. But I do know that true freedom is only going to come as I let go of control. If I don’t let go, I might never get to see a view like this.