I used to work full time. I was a teacher and provided a stable, second income for us. We felt secure. The last time I went back to work full time in the classroom, I knew that it wasn’t the call of my heart.
But it was stable.
I quit anyway.
Fast forward to today. Our fridge is on the fritz, our cars are older, our savings is shrinking and a position has opened up at my children’s school.
I applied. Last I heard there were four applicants.
I’ve heard nothing.
And it’s still not the call of my heart.
But it’s stable and I’m clinging more to the lure of stability rather than the promise of true security.
I know in my heart where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing.
The Lord continues to bless me, despite my stubborn fear and drive for control.
And I continue to be stubborn and long for something stable. Even if it’s not where my heart is.
Why is it so hard for us to just trust in the Lord?
I want to be like Peter, who casts his nets over the side of the boat and when they are filled with abundance jumps out of the boat and runs to the shore to meet Jesus because he knows it’s Jesus who has caused this blessing. But I sit in the boat and stare at the load of fish and wonder if it will happen again. I sit and try to judge how long that load of fish might provide for us and worry that it won’t fill up again. I miss the blessing of the now.
My life verse, the verse that is at the top of this space, declares “For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.“
The word “strengthen” means to be courageous and to prevail. He gives me courage to continue on the road He has taken me. He strengthens me by being what I need in order to prevail daily.
The word “heart” means inclination. My sinful heart is inclined to take control, to doubt and to worry about tomorrow. The new heart that He sets within me inclines me towards Him. To the one that clothes the birds and flowers of the fields.
The words “fully committed” mean complete, whole, at peace. I want nothing more than my heart to be at peace with Him. At peace with where He has placed me and where we are going.
The Lord has blessed me by revealing to me where He wants me. He has told me where to cast my net where it will be filled with abundance. I only have to daily do it and trust that He will fill it.