If there is anything that has constantly been resonating within my soul lately, it’s the need to forgive. Truly forgive. Not to forget as much as to let go of this grudge that I hold.
A few years ago I took a position that caused me to walk a path that was insanely hard. I felt alone, battered most times and stretched. As much as it was a truly difficult year, I wouldn’t take it back…except for this grudge that has been sitting and growing within me.
But I read today in Invitations from God by A.A. Calhoun this line: our forgiveness is an echo of God’s.
I was floored. I have felt this stirring within me for the past few months; through people I’ve seen, places I’ve been and entering into this place where I served for that year. It’s been eating away at this grudge I hold, this desire even for revenge. But eating away at it in the sense that I’ve got to let it go.
I need to forgive. To let go of the grudge I hold. To stop walking the aisles and halls with this identity of blame and hurt. I want so much for the people I meet to see what God is doing and has done within me, but really what I want them to see is my wounds and I want them to know who put those wounds there.
But I will have scars, but these scars can become a reflection of His forgiveness rather than my wounds. My scars are like His – His most unjust day became the most healing day of all.
So, like Jesus prayed his final hours, so I need to offer up my prays for forgiveness and healing (taken from chapter 7):
Lord, not my will (Lk 22:42) I lay down my agenda and let go of my need for power and control.
Father, forgive them (Lk 23:34) I let go of the right to get even.
Into Your hands… (Lk 23:46) I trust my life into His hands.
Sometimes my heart clouds come in painful ways, but how thankful I am for the ways that He meets me daily.
It is finished. (Jn 19:30) I let the past be finished through the work of forgiveness.