I am a list person. I mean I have a whole page on the blog dedicated to lists. I write the lists to clear my head and to make sure I do things and as a way to make goals and plan. While lists can be good and necessary things, they can also be conforming. There are some things that just cannot be held down to a list. There are some things in life that it would be so nice to just have a checklist (do A and B will be sure to happen), like motherhood. But you know what, there isn’t one.
If there is anything that has driven me crazy lately as a mother in the blogger world, it’s the lists that share do these (and don’t do these) and your children will grow up loving the Lord and desiring nothing more than to be a mother (or father).
I want my kids to know that I’m the best mother I can be. I am sinful. I am fallen. I do and say more stupid things in a day to my kids than I ever should. I can make a list, fill my house with lists for me and for them, but not one of those things is going to make me a perfect mother or guarantee my children won’t ever get into trouble. We have boundaries in our house, there are tv shows, music, movies and many other things that we don’t allow into our house. We talk to our children all the time about good choices and to be careful of the things we put into our hearts and minds. We open up our house to others with the hope of sharing Jesus.
But none of those things is every going to make them perfect…this side of heaven.
So this is my list for making it as a mother:
teach your children God’s word, teach them how to flush out the foolishness in their hearts (and mine), be honest with them, be real to them and with them
but more than anything…pray and teach them to pray.
A few years ago I saw a review of a company called ThredUp. The concept was simple. Fill up a box of gently used clothing and then list those items and other parents were able to review all the different boxes and chose one. I did this at least 3-4 times and never had a complaint about the clothing that I had sent in. And while I had a few duds in some of my boxes, for the most part it was all represented accurately.
Recently their company decided to do away with the swapping boxes idea and become somewhat of an online consignment store. The idea is you send in a bag of clothes to them, they go through them and then chose the ones that meet their criteria and give you credit for them. You can go to their website, use their iPad app and shop for clothes online. Simple right?
I thought I would give it a try. I have a local consignment store that I love, but it’s 30 minutes from my house. The idea that I could just fill up a bag, leave it on my step for the postal worker was rather appealing. I ordered my little green dotted bag, filled it up with clothes that I would have normally taken to my local shop and waited.
And waited. And waited.
Finally I heard back from the company that I had received a whopping 80 cents for the one shirt out of 20+ items that they decided met their criteria. I was told the rest of the items were stained or ripped. Totally untrue.
After doing a little nosing around on the internet, I found blog after blog where people had written great reviews about the items they had received from ThredUp (for free to review), but comment after comment about situations like mine. They even have a multitude of complaints to the Better Business Bureau for the same thing.
So, while ThredUp may be a great place to buy clothing…DO NOT send in your clothes there. Support your local consignment store, do a clothing swap with friends, heck give that bag of clothes to someone in your community that needs them. But stay clear of that little green polka dotted bag.
2. Trying to fit crazy-shaped toys into said boxes
3. Little chicks who, even after 3 1/2 years of quiet time don’t understand that it means you are supposed to be quiet!
4. People who send you documents to be signed asap, but don’t send the document and yet still expect the said document to be signed by both parties and faxed back asap
5. Silly people in my life who won’t drive their newly washed car out on the damp streets because it might get dirty
6. Having to renew my license plate tags and then turn around and get new ones from our soon to be new county in 30 days
7. People who leave their socks all over the house
9. A rooster who constantly pretends to have a horrible sore throat when we are deep in the midst of school work.
10. Really big dead trees that need to be cut down and a tree trimmer who is incognito
It’s been one of those crazy days where I think I’m spinning around and around and around and the fun isn’t over yet!
I went back to teaching full time this year. This is my 11th year teaching special education and while there has yet to be a year that I haven’t had one seriously difficult behavior problem, this year I met my match. There are a million reasons why this student is harder than anyone else, but what makes it so much harder is the fact that this student has just been allowed to act this way (it’s just the way this student is) for 10 years. While there is the capability to be sweet and charming, there are days when the danger of harm towards others is too great. See, I’ve got two other little people in my room who can’t fend for themselves. It makes the days that are off kilter so much harder when you are having to protect yourself and others from hits, slaps, bites, punches, pushes etc, etc. I’m waiting for the day something does happen and I couldn’t catch it in time. There is a place where you have to draw the line and today I pushed hoping that that line might get drawn.
But, now I’m on the flip side. My daughter has a little boy in her class that is there two-days a week and the other days is served at a special education preschool. I do love that her school was open to taking him (most private preschools are not). What makes it hard is the fact that he throws massive fits, raging fits that I’ve been privy to watching. And today, when I picked her up he had pretty much destroyed the room. He had torn up the kid’s plants that they had been growing, he threw blocks at other students and was standing in the middle of the room, running around and screaming. In defense of his teachers, they are great with him. They control themselves beautifully (and I don’t think it was just because I was in the room), but seriously at what point do I step up as a parent and bring up my daughter’s safety? I’m all for exposing my children to those that are different from others, but this is not what I want her exposed to.
And, I’m a “special education” teacher…I’m supposed to be accepting of “these kinds of kids”!
Golly, it’s been a hard day!
This is truly a venting post. Read on with caution.
I hate decisions. I am a worrier. I don’t let things go. I let them fester. I think of a million different outcomes and scenarios until I wake up at 4am and can’t sleep (partly bc of the foghorn sleeping next to me) but also because I just can’t seem to let it all rest in God’s hands.
Here’s the deal. I am finishing up my current job at the end of May (which honestly I’m SO relieved!). My husband and I are sitting with what next fall will look like. We have 2 kindergarten options for our son (ack!) and I am also pondering going back to teaching full time. At this point, the job search is pretty dry. But it is still early in the game. We are also on a childcare hunt for little chick if I do work.
It’s basically a choice between a very calm and family invested year (with money stress) or a crazy, mad year with all of us going a million different ways (but with very little money stress). I don’t want it to come down to money and when I type this it seems that I would be crazy to choose the working bit, but you see I miss it. I never thought I would ever want to be close to a classroom again, but I want to be…some days.
But I also have this completely different perspective on being at home and just being present with my children (basically me taking care of them 24/7 instead of someone else too). And there are days (you know those days) where I am lying on my floor in defeat begging for a good job because I can’t do this anymore and then other days (you know those too) when I couldn’t imagine giving this up.
I’m just so totally torn in half. It’s truly all a matter of timing and honestly there isn’t much either one of us can do besides give it up to the Lord. It’s that limbo that sucks. That span of time where you really just need to be enjoying your day instead of sitting on the internet researching jobs or hobbies (or venting to the 5 people who read this blog)
So there, I’m venting and it feels so much better.
Now if only tomorrow I could get an answer!