“I”dentity

I’m reading a couple of different “thinking books” right now: A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman and Women of the Word by Jen Wilken. I would have never really thought these two books would cross over, but they really do.

I love both of these books more than I thought I would and I am trying my best to read them slowly. To go back over what I’ve read and journal it and to really work through savoring every piece that I can out of both.

Probably my one biggest struggle in life has been identity. Who am I? What am I here for? For a while I was a student, then a teacher, then a wife and then a mother. At one time I was almost all of those at the same time. Then I stopped working and I was “just” a mother and a wife. As we have struggled with finances, my struggle with identity has greatly increased. It was in reading the first chapter of Wilken’s book that I realized that all this time I have been asking the wrong question. It’s not “who am I?” but “who is God?”

So often in my life I have identified with the Israelites. Wandering, complaining and just longing for something better than what they had. Longing for peace and security that they thought would come after they finally made it to the promised land. They wanted to be slaves again because it provided a security that they didn’t have while wandering in the desert.

But now, I’m almost realizing that I’m more like Moses. God tells Moses to “go” and Moses doesn’t say “ok!”, but rather he asks “who am I?” God then tells him “I will be with you.” But that isn’t enough. Moses asks “what should I do and what should I say to them?” And then God doesn’t answer his questions, but rather starts rattling off
who He is
what He has done
what He is doing
what He will do.
Moses begs to know who He is, but God answers with “I AM”.
and that should be enough.

Emily Freeman expands on this in her book by relaying what happened in the Garden. Our identity was challenged. We were no longer content to just be made in God’s image and reflections of His glory…we wanted to BE Him and HAVE His glory.

So all along my life, I have been striving to find my place and my role, when I should have been looking harder at who God is. For in finding and knowing who God is, I know who I am.

In searching the Scriptures to know more of who God is, I don’t lose myself I find out who I am. My identity isn’t lost in Christ – but found in Him.

And who I am is a creation, a poiema, a poem of God. We weren’t just “boom” created by God, we were crafted by Him. We exist out of His inner desire to bring glory to the Father. Every ounce of our being should move out of the place that reflects His glory. That is the core of who we really are.

For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. ~ Romans 1:20

I pray that as I walk through this day that people have no excuse for not knowing God because they see Him instead of me.

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five minute friday {hold}

Hold is actually a hard word for me, because hold is what I do too much of.
Hold onto the past.
Hold onto a grudge.
Hold onto life because change is frightening.
More often, when I think of the word “hold”, I think of the opposite of it…let go.
(Which then causes me to sing like Elsa…uggg). I digress.

I tend to think of hold in a pessimistic, negative way.
And I never think of hold in what Jesus does to me. That He does hold me.
While I need to let go of so many things, He never lets me go.
I am graven into His hands and heart and there is no erasing me from him.

What I do need to hold onto is hope.
Hope right now reminds me of jello. It’s slippery and I can’t seem to carry it and hold it on a spoon without it wiggling and falling off. I keep losing it.
I’m wondering if I’m losing hold of it because I’m trying to pick it up too quickly? I’m trying to move through life too quickly? I’m trying to cram hope onto this tiny, little spoon when really what I need to do is scoop it up with a huge bowl.
Here’s to a big bowl of wiggly, jiggly hope.
That’s what I’m holding onto today.

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