fmf {quiet}

Five Minute Friday

Five minutes
Fridays
Zero Edits
In my new, but old space (oh those darn spammers that got me)
Time to focus and write from the heart
Join in!
Today’s word is
QUIET

GO

Quiet is a funny thing in my world lately.
There are days when everyone is at home, noise is blaring from the radio,
the tv, the iPad, the people in the house
and I long for Monday mornings when it’s just me in this space again. When I have control of the noise.
But not long into my Monday mornings I start to falter because of the silence.
Silence is hard.
We long for it at times.
And most of the time we need it.
Silence from the noises in our homes. Silence from the noises in our world.

And even silence from our God.
It is in this kind of silence that we grow the most
and sometimes suffer the most.
Like my Mondays when I am all alone and wander through the house and don’t know what to do with the silence.
It draws me in and focuses me.
This silence from our Lord is a waiting.
It is a place that is forcing us to focus on Him.
To grow us.
To bring us to a place of repentance.
To make us something new.
But it’s not just a silence. It’s a quiet.
It’s like sitting in a meadow and seeing a deer pass in front of you and you want to be quiet.
You want to see the beauty.
We can’t see that beauty when we are surrounded by noise.

STOP

Continue Reading

the measure of me

I don’t measure up when I compare.
No one does.
When I am measuring myself against
other women,
other mothers,
other wives
I’m doomed to never reach the mark.

We’ll never measure up against each other because we aren’t meant to measure ourselves by the ruler of OUR lives;
we are only meant to measure ourselves against Him.

I’ll never have enough children.
I’ll never have a clean enough house.
I won’t support my husband the way I’m supposed to.
My children will never be educated the “right” way.
My children will never behave the way they are “supposed” to.
My husband will never lead his family well.

And all these “nevers” should lead me to a place of
freedom.

This measuring of ourselves as women starts so young. I see it daily in my 5 year old daughter who picks out her clothing based on how it looks and what others might think. I long to ignite something in her soul that reminds her daily that her beauty doesn’t come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

I want to love my family.
I want to love my friends.
I want to love my enemies.
With a love that measures itself against the One who gave everything.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

The reason the world doesn’t know us is because we measure ourselves against the world.
We need to use the ruler of LOVE.
We need to measure up our days by how well and how much we loved others
And how we repented of the times in our day when we were loving ourselves more.

Because when we measure ourselves against others
We are loving ourselves.
We are casting our nets out for our own benefit.
And we won’t catch a thing but heartache.

May I walk daily through my life, offering up gratitude for the things given
for the friends who succeed
for the enemies who prosper
and for the angels unaware.

Continue Reading

living by distraction

I read this morning
“joy is always given, never grasped”
and the thought that runs into my head
is that joy is never chased down,
caught
and often missed because of how quickly I keep moving.

I live by distraction.
I live to move on to the next thing.
To close the book so I can add it to the list and move on to the next thing.
To finish the homework so we can move on to the next task.
To make supper, eat and clean up so we can get ready for bed.
Never lingering.

As I write these words I laugh for the child that the Lord has given me.
One that forces me to go slower than I want.
Does she bring me into her space?
Does she bring me into that place of drawing, creating,
really seeing?
More often she angers me. Stirs up something within me.
Certainly not joy.

But now, as a simple task of emptying a dishwasher has brought me to my knees in discomfort,
I find myself having to slow and sit.
I find myself having to move at a pace that I don’t find comfortable.
I want to get well.
I want my body to be back to normal so that I can do and go.
But He has brought me to this place of quiet and rest.

I tell my husband that I read too quickly. I devour books, but they don’t sink in.
I’m like a speed eater who stuffs all the food in to win a contest, but doesn’t really enjoy it.
I move through life too quickly.
Trying to stuff it all in and then move on to…what?

So I find myself sitting in the place of slow
full of joy.

Joy for the sun streaming in that I tend to glance at, but never sit in.
Joy for the time reading words and writing them down and sitting with those words.
Joy for the time sitting at the table after dinner instead of hurrying to move on to the next thing.
Joy for the slow walk around the block. Stretching out muscles that are so easily tired right now.
Joy for the distractions that are fading away.

Continue Reading

fmf {connect}

Five Minute Friday

Friday’s mean writing for 5 minutes flat.
No edits.
No worries.
Just words that spring forth from a heart.
Join me!
Today’s word is: CONNECT

GO:

I have amazing friends.
But I so take them for granted.
I forget the times where I have felt alone and really didn’t have anyone.
There are times I become so wrapped up in myself that I don’t even see the one amazing best friend, the one amazing connection the Lord has walking through my house everyday in my husband.

I have children that I have already connected with more than I think my family ever did with me.
Or rather, in a way that my family never did because of the connection we were all missing as a family.
Christ.

I am amazed at how the Lord has brought so many connections into my life. Through my family, through my husband, children, friends.
And how He has brought connection between my past and the hope for my future…for my children’s future.
He truly is the vine that connects us all.
From the beginning to the end.
May I never lose hold of this amazing connection.
May I never lose hold of these gifts
of the ways He has given me to connect with His people, His creation.
May I never lose hold of Him; of Jesus the ultimate connect.

STOP

Continue Reading

weakness

You must expect to feel weakest when you are enjoying your greatest triumph. If God has wrought for you great deliverances in the past, your present difficulty is only like Samson’s thirst and the Lord will not let you faint, nor suffer the daughter of the uncircumcised to triumph over you. The road of sorrow is the road to heaven, but there are wells of refreshing water all along the route. ~ Spurgeon

When faced with overwhelming experiences or expectations, I have a tendency to either focus too much on the what if’s, over analyze and more often retreat into myself. I will seek ways to take control of the coming situation (that is purely out of my control) even if those things don’t even relate to what is coming.

I am having surgery in a few weeks and while I’ve had procedures and babies in the past, this is the first time I am losing a part of me that should be there. It is loss and an overwhelming sense of the unknown.

It’s realizing that my life is truly in God’s hands.

So of course I’ve spent the last few weeks pondering all the what if’s and trying to over-plan, make lists and figure out how to make it all go smoothly. Yet, if I spent half as much time pondering the unknown as sitting at His feet, how much greater would my sense of peace be?

The Lord is moving me into a place of extreme weakness. There are so many things in my life right now that are out of my control and are pushing me into places I don’t want to be. But when I start to find myself retreating and over analyzing, I move myself into counting His grace.
His grace for provision in times past.
His grace for peace in times past.
His promise of wells of refreshing water.

Strange that there must be a shrinking of the sinew whenever we win the day. As if the Lord much teach us our littleness, our nothingness, in order to keep us within bounds. ~ Spurgeon

Oh, that I would find peace in this shrinking. That the Lord would remove and change my outlook. That my eyes…that my heart… would no longer be focused on my thirst or sufferings or fears but on Him.

For those who live according to the flesh have their outlook shaped by the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit have their outlook shaped by the things of the Spirit. ~ Romans 8:5

Continue Reading