hope writers {becoming} 10.2

At the ripe old age of well over 40 I feel like I should have become. Yet there are many days I feel like I’m 20 again and floundering through this thing called life…only now I’ve got children that are pushing at the edges of adulthood. How do I bring this boy child of mine into adulthood when I oftentimes don’t feel like I’m doing this adult thing very well?
I’m looking for a magic button. I keep falling into this trap thinking that this one thing will be the ticket. This one book that I read. This one bible study I participate in. This one opportunity that I accept; or don’t accept. This next paycheck. This next solution.
But the thing is – all these nexts aren’t where I’m supposed to be looking. I keep myself so focused on my circumstances and not on the Keeper of the circumstances.
One of my Psalms on repeat in my head is Psalm 121 and it starts out:
I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

For the longest time I thought that looking up to the hills meant looking at Jesus. I love being in the mountains and for me the idea of looking into the hills brought such a picture of peace to me. This Psalm is all about finding peace so it totally made sense.
Only, that’s not what this Psalm is talking about. The people looked up to the hills because that is where the pagan worship was. David says, I lift up my eyes to the hills and asks where does my help come from because his help wasn’t going to come from the hills, but from the Lord. If he kept his eyes on the hills, he was looking at the things that would never bring him help. He was reminding the people that the hills would never bring them what they were looking for.
It’s only when they looked away from those hills that they would find God.

If I’m going to become this real self that God is making me to be I need to re-adjust where I’m looking.

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