a pursuit | fear and anxiety | intentions


October 11, 2012

I’m a big fan of the NBC show Parenthood. I watched all 3 seasons last Spring while I was sewing and was beyond thrilled when the new season started up this Fall. Until I started watching it. I’ve really come undone watching the storylines this year and today when I watched this week’s episode I was a total wreck.

The season started with the announcement that Christina has breast cancer. This is a crazy scary storyline to follow for me as I’ve just walked through a hysterectomy due to issues (thankfully all benign) and a long history of all sorts of cancer in my family. I’ve had one “off” mammogram and I’ve put off going back for another baseline (I’ll go next week, don’t fret) because of what happened to me this summer. That said, I struggle with identifying myself in a storyline (via book, tv show etc) and I can’t own her story because it’s not mine and it hasn’t (and who even says it will) happened to me.

But I can own Julia’s story this week. I’ve written throughout the years about my deep struggle with anxiety and fear. In this week’s episode, Julia is standing over the sink with burnt toast scraping it off while her kids are going on with life in her background. She then collapses onto the floor because she can’t handle it anymore.
I have lived that exact scene and while it was hard to watch, it was also amazing to remember where I was and what God has brought me through. I have no idea where I would be if I wouldn’t have gotten help and if the Lord hadn’t rescued me from that fear and anxiety. I still have bouts of it, but nothing that drives me to my knees in deep setting anxiety.

The Lord has truly brought me to a place where when my life is overwhelming, He drives me to His feet.

And for that I’m so grateful.

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