Words without worry.
Words without edits.
Words without change.
I want it in my children.
I want it in my husband.
I want it in the way my house looks, the way my car looks, the way my closet looks.
But I don’t want it in me.
To change me, to change the essence of me,
for Him to change me
It is darkness sometimes. Darkness that comes from His hand passing over like Moses, but darkness.
It is fear.
Change is me giving up worry and anxiety…and letting it give way to trust.
Because I can’t trust Him
and I can’t find true Joy in Him
until He changes me.
Change is me giving up not counting on Him.
It is my repeating, like the Psalmist…
give thanks…for His love endures forever
instead of me repeating
no, it won’t work
we won’t make it
Change is me opening up my hands
my life and my heart
and creating a new habit
And then, when the darkness lifts and the Light comes back
it will be God that I see.