I am low today and I read this morning in 2 Corinthians:
“For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ” and I question “am I really suffering?”
I have a lovely home (more than I could have dreamed for)
My children are healthy
I am surrounded by friends
My husband is supportive and loves me
How can this be suffering?
Nevertheless, my heart trembles this morning with ache.
I struggle with focusing on things; perhaps anesthesia still working it’s way out of my body? Perhaps a side effect of the war my hormones are waging? Perhaps the Tempter, easily tempting me away from a slowing down in my life?
I can’t articulate where I’m at.
Friends ask me over and again how I am doing.
I respond with a smile and the all encompassing “fine”.
Am I fine?
Is this ache in my heart the beginnings of this next journey the Lord is leading me into?
This time has brought me back into a communion with Him that I’ve so greatly missed as I let my life slip past.
So, is it trepidation that aches my heart? Is it fear that is wrestling within me?
I long for His comfort, but I don’t long for His sufferings.
But I know that I can only enter into this comfort through the Cross.