“Let’s just get through it.”
These words have been plaguing my head all morning.
And the question following them has been…is this really all I want for my life?
To just get through it?
Last week as I faced surgery and an upheaval in our family life for a few weeks, all I kept hearing was “you will feel better when you just get through it.” Truthful words, no doubt. And not unwise words, but almost like Job’s friends I hear those words now and stop myself and say “no, I don’t want to just get through it.”
What will I learn?
How will I be changed?
How will the Gospel inundate my life if I just get through it?
I’ve participated in counting gifts here for a long while, but I don’t think I really got what was at the heart of Ann’s meaning in this practice until now. If I put my head down and push on, I am going to miss God.
If I just keep pressing on until I’m on the other side, I will miss the “messy, piercing ache of now.”
And I need to see this messy. I need to let myself become enveloped in the piecing ache I feel.
I need to embrace.right.now.
Until I was able to be ok with the reality of surgery. The risk of death, even though it was a routine procedure, I wasn’t able to experience the now and the peace God had for me.
Until I could begin to “live fully so I was fully ready to die” I couldn’t walk into that hospital with any sense of peace.
But I did. And it is only because I didn’t push my fear away. I didn’t just get on the other side. I entered into that place where I said, “yes, Lord.”
And today, as my daughter struggles.
As my husband is weary of balancing it all.
As my son plugs along.
As we as a family become raw with emotion from the past week.
What do we gain as a family if we just “get through it?”
How does God pervade our lives if we don’t enter into this messy place we are in?
But how how do we let God enter in?
Right now, I start here…
420. a doctor’s hand on the place where he is about to enter into, while he offers word’s of prayer to our Lord
421. the beginnings of scars, reminders of an awakening in me
422. the embracing of new friends as we walk through this raw place
423. a friend to whom I cannot be false with
424. a sleeping girl at peace
425. a hand on my husband’s cheek as he offers up his worries and frustrations
427. borrowed books that keep me entranced and therefore making it easier to keep me resting
428. what this new emptiness in me will bring
429. weariness, but yet a place to lay my head
430. the ability to say “yes Lord”