I came across a new blog a few weeks ago called Gospel Grace. She had written a few posts that really sparked my heart and honestly gave words to the frustrations that I often feel. One post was called You Do Not Belong to Your Children – You Belong to Christ and the other was A Definition of Christ-Centered Motherhood. They are well written and worth a read or two or three!
In one of these posts she used the phrase “our daily diet,” asking the question what or who are we feasting on daily? I had to stop at that point. When I started to ask myself, “what am I feasting on daily?” and “where do I go to feast when I need a ‘snack break’?” I was snapped awake. I don’t go to Jesus. I don’t go to His word and center myself back on Him. I often go to Facebook, to Pinterest, to my blog to check stats or to etsy to see if anyone has favorited anything. I take all these things in and try to measure myself against them. I am measuring myself against the world and it’s standards. I am filling my mind and thoughts up with things that I can’t even begin to measure up against.
I can do all sorts of things to try and make myself think I am a godly wife and mother. I can sit and ignore my housekeeping so that I am playing with my children (because that is what “good” mothers do) , I can make a great chore chart for my kids to instill responsibilities in them and make them better children (ha!), I can pull my kids out of public school and homeschool again because that will save them and show others that I am truly godly (as if), but all of that is false. None of these things are going to make me a better mother. They are going to stress me out and cause me to shift my focus onto myself, my family, my children and give me a false sense of faith.
In her posts, Luma Simms reminds us that my “view of mothering needs to comes as a consequence of a heart sold out to Jesus, where I am centering my priorities, my schedule, my desires and the totality of my life around my Savior. Not around my children, not around doing the works of a godly woman, nor, dare I say, around my husband.” I would add that my view of mothering, my daily diet, need not revolve around checking the status of others, checking the responses to my writing or measuring myself up against all these other families that I feel like have it all together.
I long to make a change. A change in which my children see their mother feasting more on God’s word than on the computer screen. I long for my husband to see a wife that is centered in Christ and that her responses are a reflection of time spent with Him instead of a wife weary and wiped out from trying to measure herself up against everyone else.
But in all that, there is the reminder that I am fallen. While I won’t cling to my sinfulness as an excuse for my mistakes, I am no joyful Julie who thinks that if I just take my eyes off the screen and on onto my Bible that I won’t scream at my children in five minutes or get angry with my husband for leaving his socks out in the middle of the family room floor. But I do know that every minute I spend with Him, is one more step closer to losing myself and gaining more of Him. And honestly, the less of me the better.