writing my story

The Bible is an amazingly alive and rich book. It contains words and stories that speak to us so differently throughout the seasons of our lives. There are verses that I read at 15 and then 21 and now at 37 that mean such different things to me at all these different stages…and yet they are the same words spoken by the same God so many years ago.

That said, I do feel strongly that there are books or passages that truly mirror our lives. Stories that weave into our story and make telling our stories to other so unique and different. For some it is recognizing the Fall of Eve, for others it is the doubting of Thomas or the denial of Peter. Some might identify most with the closeness of John to Jesus; the lying of his head against His chest and just being there. Through a conversation with a friend today, I was awakened to the reality of how God uses these stories when we choose to finally see and hear them. As we build relationships with people, our stories and the ways the Lord has spoken to us, are the things that link those relationships. Not a curriculum, not a tract, not a systematic way of building a disciple. But living our stories out with them.

Yesterday the refrain in my house was “does that behavior ever get you what you want?” and after at least the fifth time it hit me. Just as I continue to say the same phrase to my children and as they continue to repeat the same behavior…the Lord does the same to me. I continue to lack trust in Him, lack faith in Him, question the path He has me on. He continues to provide.

So my story is one like the Israelites. I’m walking through the wilderness with food dropped in my lap, a cloud and pillar directing my steps, yet I keep looking back and complaining. The wilderness is hard; but the past was so much harder. Where He is leading me to is so amazing and unbelievable that in the midst of my wandering, despite all the good in my lap, I keep wondering if it’s real. If He is real.

He calls me to things like Moses that I’m no capable of. Things that I just plain don’t know or understand how to do or respond. Yet, unlike Moses, I tend not to act. I just stay in that cycle of wandering and doubting.

Hopefully at some point my children will get the point that if they continue their behavior it’s truly not going to get them what they want. And hopefully I will to.


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