hosted by the gypsy mama
just plain writing
this week’s word is: EMPTY
Empty. As I think about the word “empty” the only thoughts that come to my mind are how my arms are finally truly feeling that empty ache of holding around a baby. My baby turned five in December and this past year I’ve really realized that she isn’t a baby anymore. Sure she still loves to be held, cuddled and will curl up as small as she can to still fit in our laps, but those long legs stretch down my lap and I realize the baby is gone.
It’s a weird thing to realize that this might just be it. I might just be fulfilling that ache in my arms by holding other people’s babies. I don’t regret our decision to finalize no more babies via this body. I don’t think we did the “wrong” thing and while I’m surrounded (and I mean I am surrounded) by friends adopting, I don’t know that this is our story either.
I just know that I’m realizing the empty. But it’s a strange empty. Kind of like when you stop nursing and realize the freedom that you have kind of starts to overcome the loss of that closeness with your child. I don’t really mourn this empty, but I still have to come to terms with it. I guess coming to terms with it means I enjoy today. Don’t grieve over the what could have been and don’t try to force our story in the future. Just be today. And let God fill that empty with whatever He plans.