when I feel like nothing

It’s been a weird couple of weeks for me. I haven’t felt like writing here, being visible to anyone at all. I haven’t even felt like writing in my other journal, the one that no 0ne reads but me. It’s not that I’ve wanted to be hidden, I just didn’t have anything to say. I’ve had one of those months where I have a million conversations running through my head. Times when you want to just scream “hush!” and yet nothing happens.

I feel like it’s been one of those seasons where I’ve got a devil and an angel on my shoulder. One whispering lies and one whispering the truth…

you can’t make it. yes you can!
you’ve taken on to much. God gives you nothing more than you can handle.
you aren’t good enough. you are everything to Me.
you are a failure. you are My beloved.
you are alone. you are never alone.

When the voices come. When the arguing in my head comes. What do I count? Where do I go? What do I think of? I can look around and count all the projects to do, not completed, undone, never to be done etc or I can look around and count all the things I have…a roof, a home, a heater, a car, four little feet padding around giving hugs and laughter, time to create.

The voices become silent when I start to look, open my eyes to my life.
But I have to open them and keep them open and keep counting…

398. mercy
399. the sun shining through all the windows in our family room
400. yellow post its that help me remember things
401. daisies and how they remind me of my mother
402. my family, resting in beds above me
403. my “studio” and the space to create
404. the Word and the quiet moments in the morning alone with Him
405. the furnace that heats our home and teaches me to let go of fears
406. the wind as it howls outside – oh the strength of His power
407. the feet of my husband moving around upstairs, how lonely I would be without him
408. visits with friends
409. stories that I hear
410. listening to my little girl singing
411. a twirling skirt
412. the making of a doll for a friend’s new little baby
413. a conversation with a friend
414. the excitement of new shoes
415. walking in the park
416. paint! finding a color for the inside
417. visiting with my mom and listening to my son and her talk
418. knowing that God has us
419. time at home

2 thoughts on “when I feel like nothing

  1. This spoke directly to me. Thank you so much for sharing where you are. When I read the title “When I feel like nothing” I was shocked at how that simple sentence summed up where I am as well and how I been feeling the past several weeks. I couldn’t put words to it until I read this today. Thanks again for your words and I will be praying for you.

    1. thanks for the encouragement that we are not alone! when i feel something like this, it’s so possible that there are many others feeling the same. I’m thankful that I was able to touch you through my words…finally feeling like saying something! blessings…

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