an unwelcome enemy

Nearly 20 years ago I was a seventeen year old girl who weighed about 98 pounds. I had hit my lowest weight and I can remember that day still perfectly clear in my mind. My junior and senior year of high school were spent with so many people around me declaring how skinny I was and I loved it. It was this amazing boost to my ego to know that I had achieved someone’s attention. Thankfully the story doesn’t end there and it is because of so many of those people that 98 I was the lowest number I ever saw and I am here today and healthy.

But, the story really doesn’t end there. Years after, when I was finally able to start sharing my journey through an eating disorder, I would write a poem about a Raven. I likened my struggle to that of Raven who had it’s claws in me and even though it’s claws would be released over time, the scars would still be there and they would be deep. I would never be fully free of this unwelcome enemy.  I am five years from the birth of my youngest child and due to a pretty healthy metabolism, I am a pretty skinny person by nature. But in the last couple of days I have heard those words again: “you are so skinny!” and what it has awakened in me has really frightened me.

“Few things make us want to flee more than the prospect of fighting an old battle. The moment that old enemy reappears, we want to run into the nearest forest and never come out. Have you ever noticed that Satan always chooses just the right time to haunt you through an old enemy? When you haven’t had enough rest, when things have been emotional and turbulent, when you’re completely vulnerable – that’s when the enemy strikes.” ~ Beth Moore

I am not counting cereal bites nor am I staying under that magic number of fat grams a day, but as there are some things in my life that feel a bit out of control I can feel that old enemy rising. There is a whisper rising in the back of my head.

Satan is the counterfeit god of perfect timing. He’s watching for just the right moment to pull the rug out from under us, but even that rug is under God’s feet. And He always has victory in mind. He will never allow Satan to discourage you without a plan to lead you to victory…God will always lead us to victory, but He will lead us His way.” ~ B. Moore

As this week begins, this week that celebrates Love coming down for me, I am praying for victory. I am fixing my eyes on my God who gave all for me. I am resting in His protection and His ability continue to heal those wounds.

371. but thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ… (2 Cor. 2:14)
372. three generations of women celebrating the 5th birthday of sweet little girl
373. a house full of friends and family
374. the sunset last night
375. giving back to the Lord, knowing that He is going to give immensely more to us
376. how quickly the Lord heals wounds
377. a husband who decorates our home for his little girl’s birthday
378. time with my mom spent in good conversation
379. scars
380. parents who will reorganize their schedule so that I can work on a last minute Christmas project
381. a dad who fixes cars
382. listening to a son tell the story of Jonah
383. watching the kid’s crowd around the tree to try and figure out what is wrapped in those boxes…how GREATLY we have been blessed!

One Reply to “an unwelcome enemy”

  1. Visiting from Ann’s place today. Saying a prayer of strength for you. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Claiming your victory, once and for all. You are free and you are beautiful!

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