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oh the guilt

November 2, 2011

Guilt. Such a hard, hard thing to shake. Especially as a mother. Every time I discipline my children I can’t shake the little voice that comes blowing in that I am doing a horrible job. As I send my little girl off to school, after much tears and spankings and oh so much drama; how do I shake this horrible feeling that she is going to spend her day brooding over how mean her mother was this morning? How do I shake this horrible feeling that she is going to remember me as this mother who sent her to school with a red, tear stained face; even if the last words I said to her were that I loved her and forgave her.

Where do we go with our guilt? Where do we take the constant barrage of voices and feelings that make us think we are doing the wrong thing…even when we know we are doing the right thing?

A. A. Calhoun writes in her book, Invitations from God, words that speak to my heart this morning:
God’s love for us isn’t dependent on right answers or perfect doctrine or never failing at anything…I don’t need to be afraid of being wrong (or failing, or making the wrong choice, or disciplining incorrectly, fill in the blank). Jesus’ death undoes the lies that tell me I am lovable only when I am right (or doing the “right” thing).

If I am filled with the Holy Spirit, if His Spirit is in my heart, it is more than just there to be there. His Spirit is softening my heart. His Spirit is giving me the ability to accept my failures and successes for His glory, with the knowledge that He is redeeming and making all things new. He can take the bad and ugly and make it good. His Spirit brings freedom and the courage to bear. (A. A. Calhoun)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will
Romans 8:26-27

May I walk through this day, remembering the Spirit that walks with me is groaning with me. May this Spirit take away the guilt that I am failing my children and my husband and may the words I spoke to my daughter this morning, that “I love her and forgive her…no matter what”, ring true to my heart.

The Lord says the same to me.

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