thoughts on prayer

The Lord has really been pestering (can you say that about Jesus?) my heart lately about prayer. I’ve been setting aside Thursday mornings as my day to read a chapter in Richard Foster’s book, Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home. It’s a re-read for me, but something I haven’t read in years and years. It has been a huge blessing in the sense that I can really see where the Lord has grown me. I see the things I highlighted and underlined the first time I read it compared with the words that strike me now. But, every week that I’ve read a chapter I have become more and more convicted about my prayer life.

I do feel like I do a good bit of “talking in my head” so to speak. And often times I really feel that my writing in this space is a prayer to the Lord. But I’ve become convicted about the depth of my prayer life. As I feel myself in this place of waiting, I feel the Lord urging me more and more to put down the books that I’ve been reading, to focus on a small part of only His word daily and lie prostrate at His feet in prayer.

But the books I’ve been reading,  my journal and even the Bible have become a place of safety for me. I can read and contemplate and listen for His word to me, but it’s a surface sort of listening. I want more than just a surface change. I want more than just a softening of part of my heart. I want a complete union.

abide in me, as I abide in you
I’m the vine, you are the branches
…that my joy may be in you and complete…
that they may all be one as You…
selections from John 15 and 17

I don’t want to be just the bark. I don’t want to be just the leaves. I don’t want just a tiny bit of joy.
I want to be in the tree.
In the leaves and full of complete joy.

S. Kierkegaard said that “purity of heart is to will one thing. That one thing is the good, which is God.”

But this purity of heart isn’t going to come with only a surface sort of relationship. I’ve got to get down on my hands and knees and lay my whole being at His feet. Daily.

Come Jesus, come. Bring my whole mind, heart and soul to sit at your feet.
Continue to pester me, to stir my heart and show me the way to be fully united with You.
~ amen

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