Yesterday I was walking to pick up my daughter from preschool and this snippet from Monty Python and the Holy Grail came to mind. I was overcome with the amazing sense of patience that the Lord has with me. But in that, there have been many times when I feel like God is doing to me as the monks were doing to themselves…giving me a good smack in the head. Times when I feel Him almost exasperated with me as a parent is with a child who just can’t seem to seem to find the right pair of shoes quick enough. That is where I am at right now.
I’ve written it before, but the Lord has given me an amazing amount of space in my life right now. I have both children well cared for less than half a mile from my house. I have a free invitation to be in their school as much as I want. I have a husband who supports the decision for me to be home one hundred percent. I am building a business doing something that I love. And while the budget is crazy tight, the Lord is continually providing in just the right time and amount for our needs.
And yet, I still can’t relax and just accept His invitation to enjoy this time. Yesterday, as I was recalling these monks smacking themselves on the head, I almost felt the Lord doing the same to me. I don’t want to look back on this time and only recall the emotional and guilty struggle. I want to look back with no regrets and remember how God used this time He has so amazingly given and remember it as just a blessing. A good and filling time. This space is fleeting. Tomorrow could bring an end to it and I want to take the risk to love and live fully where I am at right now.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
and find out what pleases the Lord.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,
speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. ~ from Ephesians 5
I want to remember this time in my life as a time of joyful singing.