Do you notice me? Do you see me?
These are core questions for most of us; especially women and in some ways even more for those mothers who stay at home. We sit in our four walls and long for someone to recognize what we are doing. Or if we work, we walk up and down the halls of our jobs wondering if someone will notice how we are balancing home and job and life. After more than 36 of living, why am I still striving for someone to notice me?
As space has opened up in my life to read, study, write and create, I am still not doing it for me. I am doing it for you. I want you to notice me. I want my stats to raise. I want you to laugh at my status updates. I want you to leave me a comment telling me how great my writing was. I want you to buy my things on etsy.
This striving to be noticed is holding me back. It’s keeping me from being who I am meant to be. It is keeping me from answering His invitation to wholly follow Him. It’s keeping me from being free.
“Invitations from the Holy One serve God’s dream for the world. They don’t call me to be what I produce, what others think of me or what I know. They invite me to be free. And freedom comes from being an intentional follower of Jesus…” ~ A.A. Calhoun from Invitations from God
I’ve moved from the stronghold in my life being fear and anxiety to recognition. The Evil One that prowls around knows what I am intended to be and he is working hard to keep me from becoming that. My eyes have been so easily moved inward at self. How I pray that the Lord will move, shove and shake my vision upward.
So that I can read and remember. So that I can write as an expression of worship and create as an expression of joy. I want every move I make to be intentional and be for Him.
Lord Jesus, You are moving in me.
I’ve so easily crept back into life
into the agreements
into the fears.
I’ve neglected to truly sit and process
what You are doing in my life.
You created and cleared a space in my head and heart
and I so quickly filled it up again.
Why is it so hard? Why can’t I just pray for you to take this desire, and it’s gone?
Oh, the temptations! to sit in others lives and not in mine.
Clear these temptations
Clear a time and area for me to sit with you…again and again
Like glue on my brain – may your Word, your thoughts stick.
Wake me in the morning.
Pursue me in the afternoon.
Move in me Lord.