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when your back-up fails

August 1, 2011

I used to be a teacher. The past few years, I have been in and out of the classroom and my attempts at obtaining a job for this school year all came to nothing. Even my back up failed. But as I’ve been sitting with the path my life is taking right now, I’m beginning to realize that the words “nothing” and “failed” aren’t true.

The reality of being home; of not bringing any sort of financial support to our family, is truly beginning to hit me. My back up didn’t fail. My job search didn’t result in nothing. But rather, it’s opened up in me and in my home and family something that is amazing.

I am being moved into a place where I can do nothing but trust. Completely. I feel as if I have been moved into this place where I am surrounded by a force field. A place where I cannot move anywhere but within His will. I can do nothing but stretch out my arms to him and reach for His arms stretched out to me.

But, while the panic does begin to rise at times, it gives way to an amazing sense of peace. Where can I go to flee from His spirit? For I know that He is there with me. And I am oh so grateful.

151. He is working in me…for His good pleasure (Phil 2:13)
152. I am pressing on to make Him my own, because He has made me His own! (Phil 3:12-14)
153. His sense of peace in my moments of despair over our finances
154. The steadiness of the husband that He has blessed me with
155. the endurance of my little boy as he has his first football practice
156. the smile of my little girl as she poses for pictures
157. humility…and the many little deaths that are moving me beyond myself
158. a visit from a very old friend
159. relief
160. words repeated and learned that bring such comfort and lifting to my soul
161. the hugs of friends on a Sabbath morning
162. bedtime rituals…snuggling up as a family of 4 on our little bed
163. the comfort of routines and the stretching of new ones

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