Today I sent my son off to his first day of second grade. It seems like a whole different world from where we were last year. This time last year, we were gearing up to homeschool. We had done the both parents working gig for a year and were exhausted. After much soul searching, we took the leap and decided to stay home for first grade. I know now that God had us at home for many different reasons, the biggest of which that we ended up moving mid-Fall.
We only made it one semester. And I can’t tell you how relieved I was to stop.
If you read blogs at all, it seems like 90% of them are filled with moms who stay home and homeschool. While we didn’t choose to do it to “fit in”, it definitely made me feel like I did. I know there was a place inside me who felt like, “wow! I’m finally like all these other moms out there!”
And then, we stopped homeschooling and while there was relief, it was also like the bottom fell out.
But, about the time we stopped homeschooling, God started moving in me like nothing else and I started this journey through anxiety and fear. And for the first time in my life, I started to feel free.
Free from the expectations I put on myself to be like everyone else.
Free from the guilt that I’m not doing the mothering thing right.
Free from the realization that every family is different and we can be “that” family, while sending our kids to public school or wherever.
Free from thoughts that I am a failure because my house isn’t set up with little booths and shelves of perfect little activities.
Free to truly realize that what is shown on my computer screen is just a snippet of someone’s life that looked good enough to show.
I am free.
And as I sit here, anticipating Monday when both of my children will be gone for a few hours and I will be at home, I know that this:
is the most beautiful and magnificent gift
the Lord could have ever given to me.
He is opening up a space for me to really sit, wrestle and reflect on my journey.
But only because we are in His will
moving in His plan
and anticipating nothing but His movement.
I walked away from the computer and realized that I did never mention that as hard as homeschooling was, we did love it. It was a picture of beginning to walk in freedom for me and my children. Every Fall has looked different for us and this one proves to be no different, but we will always have great memories of that Fall. My journey is showing me that freedom comes from being who and where God wants you…no matter what. That picture could be a thousand different ways. That’s the beauty in it.