I was reminded this week, via Tozer’s book The Pursuit of God, that our pursuit of God is more than just a one time thing. We do not just meet a person and call them a friend. We call them a friend, we name it a relationship, because we have spent time together. I cannot “know God” only by meeting Him once. And as my relationship with Him deepens, I am becoming an easier and easier target for lies. As a friend told me yesterday, it is a dangerous thing to speak truth.
The lie that is hitting me lately is one that I really feel hits most women and especially mothers. The last few months, I have pursued going back to work this Fall full time again. Through it all, through every interview, discussion, etc there have been many obvious closed doors. And there have been many situations where I have heard this whisper “you are not going back to work”. It’s not that I have ignored that whisper, I just haven’t believed it. And as the Fall has crept closer and closer, I have begun to believe that whisper and have become tentatively excited about the prospect of not working. This Fall is an opportunity that I never believed would happen in my life. Both children in school, five days a week for most of the day. Opening up time for me to write, to sew, to do all these things that have been set onto my heart. But herein lies the lie…
“You are being selfish.”
How easy it is for us as mothers, those taking care of others, to fall into the lie that anything we do for ourselves equals selfishness?
How easily I believe that lie and then try to fill up this open time (that is a gift!) with so many other things so that I can feel productive in a way that benefits my family. But that is the essence of the lie…that anything I do for myself doesn’t benefit my family. So not true. I know that the father of lies is greatly fearful of this Fall. He is fearful of me taking this time to write, to read, to study, to create…to pursue those things that have been set onto my heart. So I pray.
Say to my soul, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.