need to be noticed

There is this weird dichotomy with me that absolutely hates to be the center of attention, yet has a great need to be noticed. My struggle with an eating disorder in high school is a perfect example of this. When it first came out that I was having issues, I was pursued by more people than I even realized knew I existed. As my weight went down, the pursuit became even more intense. But my recovery was jump started because this pursuit, this need to be noticed, finally became too much and I couldn’t take it anymore. The constant (and I mean constant) questions about what, when and how much I had eaten finally drove me to eat again (at least more than 5 frosted mini wheats). And as I processed this whole issue of mine, even now years later, I knew it was an attention issue.

Praise Jesus that my food issues are much less intense now (I do believe strongly that once an issue with food, always an issue with food…but that’s another post), but this issue of needing attention and praise has moved on to other platforms.  If you have followed any of my blogs throughout the past years you know I have stopped and started and turned comments on and off again.  And then there is  facebook; same issue. It finally hit me, like really hit me, the other day that while I don’t journal and sew and attempt to put snappy status updates out there 100% because I want attention, but it’s certainly not all because I am giving glory to the Lord.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory are being transformed into His likeness with an ever-increasing glory which comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

There is it.
My purpose.
The essence of my journey with God’s pursuit.
I am here to reflect His glory;
not mine
not my talents
not my witty words
not my anything

It is in giving up ever caring what anyone thinks. It is in giving up ever caring if anyone reads this blog or comments or thinks my sewing is superb or buys all my daisyeyes goods.

It is in giving up on everything in this world
and letting Him pour into me everything from His.

Surely God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
He has become my salvation.

~ Isaiah 12:2

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