Today was one of those culminating days. A day when every little piece that the Lord has been weaving in and out of my life kind of smacked me on the head with it’s wholeness.
It started with Psalm 32. This is a Psalm where David is confessing his sin with Bathsheba. It is one that he has written after he has processed and come to terms with the wrongs that he has committed. In verses 3 and 4, he describes what his life was like under this sin:
When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
It hit me square on the head. This is me for the past couple of years. As I have let this sin of anxiety and fear take it’s place in me. Never did I think that being fearful of things or worrying about things was sin. A struggle, sure. But a sin? But as the Lord has led me through some counseling and deeper into His word, He is showing me how this sin has so deeply entrenched itself into my life.
I sit here now, with winds blowing and storms forcasted and I find myself at a place where I can no longer just pray that God would protect me, but that He would forgive my sin. Forgive this sin that I don’t trust His protection and His will. Forgive the thought that He is smaller than the winds and the storms.
I can choose to walk heavy through this, with His hand on me and over me. Or I can choose to walk protected through this, with His hand under me and carrying me. Until I come to Him and confess this sin…this fear I have. His hand will never be off of me, but it will be heavy on me. In my confession, He takes my sin and carries it away and lifts me up.
So I cling to the words from verses 6 and 7:
Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
My sin, this fear and anxiety,
this reaction of trying to control, is a human reaction. It is me trying to show my glory…when my chief goal should be to bring glory to Him.
So this day,
I choose to name my sin.
I choose to believe Him.
I choose to walk redeemed and showing others “this is what God can do.”
God can redeem you. He can save you. He covers you and surrounds you.