going behind

One of my constant struggles with “taking every thought captive” is planning out how to do things better than I think God is doing. Now, this is not a conscious thought of course, just what happens when I let my thoughts roll into the “what ifs” and “if onlys”.

I am working my way through Beth Moore’s study on the life of David. In our homework from last week we went over the story of Jonathan and his armor bearer heading into battle. He, Jonathan, told the armor bearer to stay behind him so that he could take the brunt of the fight. His armor bearer stayed right with him, behind him, but steadfast and trusting in his leader. He knew Jonathan’s bravery and strength and knew that he would do everything in his power to protect him and let himself be hurt first. (1 Samuel 14) I Samuel 14:13 says, “The Philistines fell before Jonathan and his armor bearer followed and killed behind him”. I quote Beth Moore: “Our enemy will fall before our God. We are only deadly to the enemy when we go behind him.” This quote has hammered into my heart what happens when I try to be the one leading. When I step out in my thoughts and actions, thinking that I know better or know the way or can figure it out for myself, I am leading myself straight into a vulnerable position for the enemy to strike.

And does he ever strike.
…you can’t make it on one income
…what are you doing at home?
…why did you give up on homeschooling?
…you need to think of something else to do to help provide for your family
…why aren’t you working now that your kids are older?

I’ve had one of those days where I feel lost in my thoughts. I’m walking around my house wondering what I’m doing here. I can tell you it’s a day where
I haven’t been on my knees enough,
where I have let those thoughts run rampant in my head,
where I haven’t focused on the blessings and things I am most thankful for…

11. time with my daughter today doing “school”
12. cuddling up on the couch and reading books with her
13. watching her be fascinated with a new computer program
14. time to create
15. time to bake bread for my family
16. planning a sewing project for a friend
17. putting a puzzle together with my chick
18. resting
19. for days when I have nowhere to be or have to go or have things to do
20. for walking to school to pick up my son

“God chooses the least likely to become most like Him”. I have been chosen by Him, marked by Him
and I am well able to do what he has called me to do.

you are of Christ, and Christ is of God
1 Corinthians 3:23

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