buying in

Hello, my name is daisy and I am a pessimist. I fully admit I am one of those people who tends to see the glass as half-empty and by some strange act of whatever about to tip over and spill everywhere. What I have long struggled with is how to live with that tendency in light of the Gospel. Sure we can view the world as full of sin (which oh my goodness turn on the tv for 5 minutes and you will surely realize) but I want to live with the view that I am redeemed and part of the great story of God’s redemption of this world.

Lately, I feel the lesson that God has been teaching me (through a harrowing experience selling our house, through homeschooling, through coming off of working full time etc etc) is that I don’t “buy into” my experiences. Given a task, I will complete it, spend time on it, develop it well, but all through it I will be looking for an escape or a way to be done with it. I will be planning what I will do when the task fails or doesn’t come to completion. The verse that has been coming into my mind over and again is Deutoronomy 6:5…You shall love the Lord your God with your WHOLE heart, WHOLE soul and WHOLE mind. If I sit and admit it, there is very little I do with WHOLE-NESS besides please myself.

As we are about to partake of our first real break from homeschooling, I have the chance to really reflect on what has been working, not working and work on finding ways to change it all up (along with moving to a new house!). One thing I have realized is that I have not bought into the idea that we are homeschooling. I refused to set up a room or area for school. Mind you, we have bookshelves with our school stuff on them, but that was it. We moved places to work and while I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, for me it was an easy way to not fully come into the fact that this is what we are doing this year (and even with that, it may be a year or could be 10 more) and I need to fully delve into it. My excitement and fullness of being with this place God has brought us can only serve to excite my children more and more about learning and the way we have chosen to learn this year.

I could easily go on and relate some health issues that come up this month, or the obnoxious story of selling our house etc etc to show you the ways that the Lord is bringing this lack of trust and lack of Wholeness. It has been amazing…and hard.

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1 Comment

  1. Hmm.

    I know you little. Thus, it hard for me to comment on this accurately as I know only but a snippet plus change about you–for who you are.

    I can, however, relate all of what the above states to myself to some degree.

    And I do this not to compare you to me, but to be a friend, and perhaps help you move forward and gain prosepective too.

    Times when I feel as I if I am not buying in to ___________ (insert what is appropriate here):

    1. When I harp on my insecurities internally. Sometimes they are verbalized, but the repeat record doesn’t miss a beat internally; my soul second guessed the goodness God has instilled in me.

    2. I doubt His glory. The wonder He has in store for me if I just reach out to Him and let his Hands guide me. (I know, and I am sure you do too, when you have truly felt His hands at work in your life.)

    3. When I am too bossy. I think I know way more than I do a lot more than I should.

    4. When I excessively want to control. Not manage, but more like want the whistle and the ball all the time just for me.

    How do I correct this?

    – I stop.
    -I recognize.
    -I retreat and re-try.

    – I spend time lifting up myself for the wonderful attriutes I possess. Thank you, Big Guy.

    –And then I double that time in lifting those up around me that deserve a pat on the back and praise. (my boys, Kenny, my friends, my family)
    –I do something planned for someone else…a surprise note, a small gift, an act of kindness.
    –And then off I go to cognizantly work harder at being better for myself and others.



    Until the stain comes out.

    Perfection is not a goal.
    Pursuit of happiness and your very best is.

    Hang in there and enjoy that house!

    .mac 🙂

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