I woke up this morning realizing that I was going to start hearing the school bus go up the street again in a few short weeks…and my child wasn’t going to be a part of that world. Granted, he didn’t ride the bus, but the sound of a school bus signifies something that we’ve opted to pull out of for at least a year.
Since we made the choice to homeschool, the Lord has been beyond patient with me and provided many confirmations that this is the path that He wants us on for now. But as the time to start nears, I start to panic that I’m doing something wrong. That I’m leaving my child out of something. The doubts start swarming in.
It’s funny how life can do such a 180 so quickly. A year ago I was so excited that I wasn’t going to be at home full time and I wouldn’t trade that year at all. I met some great people, was a part of something I needed to be and realized that I do love teaching special children, but that right now I want to focus on mine. I’m much more relaxed at home and I’m realizing over and again how my selfishness is what leads to so many issues with my children.
But it’s funny how you can be so sure of something and then two seconds later be covered over with doubts. I long to have that confident faith that walks about sure of who I am, what I am doing and where I am going with Jesus.
There are 1,000 different crazy things going on in my life right now, but I am sure of this:
the Lord never gives us more than we can handle,
he surrounds us with an amazing sense of Himself
and if I am walking on the path that He has laid then I am not walking alone.